This just in-
The Flightless Yard Birds of America are gathering in great numbers today, that is to say, flocking, that's right, they are flocking together in our nation's capitol to show a united front against fowl and non-existent comments of a Pretend Eagle Who Never Said Anything of the Sort Yesterday.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, there are currently at least fifty of these flightless yard birds in our nation's capitol, where they are milling about, pooping all over the place. So watch your step.
I'm talking to you, Eagle. (Not about the poop, but the part about watching your step. Listen, it's supposed to sound threatening in a mildly sinister way, and it probably would have that effect if I didn't have to spend so much time explaining it, which seems to lesson the effect. Oh, and BTW, why don't you ever get my jokes? No, I am not going to just let this drop, Eagle. Not after everything you said yesterday, because you remember that part where you made fun of me because I couldn't fly and then you said "Well, maybe you should just build a contraption that'll make pigs fly?" Oh, don't tell me you don't remember that, Eagle, because I KNOW GOOD AND WELL THAT YOU DO, SO DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU DON'T. I'M NOT YELLING. NO, YOU SHUT UP. STOP YELLING AT ME. NO, YOU STOP YELLING. AT ME. NO, YOU STOP FIRST.)
------------(WE INTERRUPT THIS...oh, sorry. we interrupt this program for a word from our sponsors)-------------
(well, that's pretty pathetic)
(listen, our one sponsor is too embarrassed to admit an affiliation, so I'll just hum a few bars here to cover the commercial segment. hm,hm,hm,hm,hmmmmmm,da did da, da,hmmmm. okay, let's see if we can get back to the program now)
IF YOU WEREN'T ALWAYS CRITICIZING ME-
(apparently not. looks like that's all for our show today, folks. tune in tomorrow when things have um, cooled off a little. thanks for your support)
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