Monday, November 29, 2010

Some Kookaburras are Just Plain Cuckoo

Wow, just cruised by the Pageviews Stats page and saw that I've had over two thousand page views since I started this thing in August.  That's a lot!  So, a big Thank You to all of you peeps who have been reading this and especially to those of you who are contributing your time and efforts to such a strangely odd endeavor.  This soon-to-be-classic-chicken-skate-film-in-the-making is a lot of fun, and I hope that one day we can all laugh or hoot or guffaw or what-have-you at this wonderful, wonderful film. (snicker)

Oh, hey, remember that apparently mentally unsettled kookaburra bird who's been hounding me to be her boyfriend for as long as I can remember, which is yesterday or maybe a couple of  days before? (If not, you can read up a little in the comments section of this post here )  That chick is crazy.  Did you see number 5?  Ew.  I guess all those trans-oceanic flights have finally taken their toll and just sent her right over the edge.  That's right, ladies and wheat germs, that little kookaburra bird is now cuckoo.

Speaking of which, did you know that there is a cuckoo that is native to the Sonoran Desert Region of this Our Great Land?  There really is.  And if you want to read something funny, click on this link( ) to read the Arizona Game and Fish Department's riveting "Classification, Nomenclature, Description, Range" page for this, the Western Yellow-billed Cuckoo, and read what's written in the "Aids to Identification" section.  Then call me and we'll practice saying that together.  BTW, I am thinking of enabling video conferencing on my blog or website.

Technologically-Enhanced Chicken


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Anhinga Love

So, how do you tell if an Anhinga is interested?  I know that with the males, they get into this breeding plumage that includes a bright blue circle of color around the eye (an eye ring), but, dude, what about the chicks?  Anyway, lately this not knowing if someone is interested has been like the bane of my egg-sistence.  And honestly, I haven't been wanting to put myself out there on the dating scene.  Well, I do, but I'm scared.  Why?  A few reasons.  One, because I'm chicken.  Two, because I have a very fragile egg-o.  And three, because sometimes I feel like chicks just don't understand me.  Perhaps I'm too complex.  You know, what with the whole "trying to hide what it is that I really want" game.  As in, I am going to talk with you and pretend like I am listening while you talk to me about things that are important to you, and then I am going to try to act sincere, and like I care about how you feel, and then I'm going to maybe give you something, a token, of how strongly I feel about you, something like a ring maybe (hmmm, I wonder if chicks might dig it if I wore a blue eye ring, like those male Anhingas, the show-offs), or at least some dinner and then you could come hang out at my coop for a little while and then I would never want to see you again.  That's really what I wanted, I just didn't want to say so. Oh, and in case I don't have any dates lined up for next weekend, perhaps I'd want to see you again then, but only in that particular case.  Otherwise, I don't know you.

Why don't chicks understand that about me?

I'm thinking of a love song for my new beloved.  No, wait!  It's a poem.  Here goes:

Anhinga, anhinga,
my lord you look divine,
Anhinga, anhinga,
I wish you would be mine,
and by the way,
do you have any friends?
Just askin'.

"Sure I'm monogamous, baby" Chicken

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Homework and Anhinga

Oh, hey, guess what?  That one peep who offered to do my homework is back - thank bug!  How exciting, although, the comment they left did sound a little ominous....(  Anything to do with child support for my lil' chickies sends me spinning, I must say.

I am digging life today, Ladies and Wheat Germs.  You know why?  I'll tell you.  I just got the latest edition of Outdoor Alabama Magazine in the mail.  That's right, Alabama's PREMIER outdoor nature and wildlife magazine (, and do you know what they had?  An article about Anhingas.  Anybirdy out there know what an Anhinga is?  No?  Well, then you've come to the right place, my fine, feathered, fowl-mouthed friend, because Anhingas, also known as snake birds, are long-necked birds you can find in the southeastern United States that swim with most of their bodies submerged.  They are so freakin' fine, I wish I could date one.

So if you or anyone you know has a friend who is single and an Anhinga, please let me know at zbigchicken at gmail dot com.

Single Chicken

Monday, November 22, 2010

Spider Rap Song and a Quickie

Hello everyone and welcome back to my blog!  Thanks for visiting and for keeping the place warm for me while I did some work preparing for a math test and various other homework assignments, which I had to do because that one cute comment-poster who offered to do my homework never got back to me about it.  Almost makes me think they were just kidding.  Not that I would actually have someone else do my homework!

Hey, did everyone see that cool spider rap song that that one anonymous comment-poster left here?  It was a fine piece of work, and can be viewed in the comments section here.

One day, I hope to set that to music, and play it for all those peeps out there who dig these songs about creatures with exoskeletons.  Oooooo, you know what, that reminds me of the large hadron collider rap song.  Have you seen that?  Wayyyy cool.  Here you go.

Oh, you know what I just remembered to tell you guys about?  I went to the El Tour de Tucson bicycling race this weekend, and wow, the chicks there were fit!!ETT/ETThome.html

Hmmm, you know what's on my mind these days?  Monogamy.  Hold on, let me go learn how to spell that. Okay, that's right.  Anyhoo, the primary reason I am thinking of it is, well, because this one blog that I've been seeing since August asked me if I'd be monogamous, and I lied and, "Sure."  Well, what else was I supposed to do?  Tell her about my website?  I don't think so!**

By the way, my day job is really interfering with my playing chicken.  In fact, I keep asking myself, "J_____" when are you gonna get serious about this chicken?"  Which is pretty funny, especially considering that I have been working on the storyboard for the film, I just haven't been blogging daily for a little while, so there's that one part of the brain that A.) Tells me to take this fictitious chicken seriously and B.) Berates me when I don't do it.  Anyhow, oh, another thing I worked on last night is the little video of my nefarious ex telling a story about me a couple of weeks back at the Odyssey Storytelling Event in Tucson.  I am cutting out all of the lies, and getting ready to post it on my zbigchicken YouTube channel where you can also see the Big Time Winner of the "Who is That Big Honkin' Chicken?!" Contest

Serious-Minded Chicken

PS-Happy holidays everyone!  I am going to this one peep's house, and you know what I'm making?  Chicken dressing.  It's an old family recipe.  Yes, I know it's barbaric, but it's also delicious.

**I hope she isn't reading any of this.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Winners of the "Who Is That Big Chicken?" Contest!

Congratulations to these funny peeps, whose entry has won the "Who IS That Big Chicken?" Contest on my blog!  You can see the video on the brand new zbigchicken channel on YouTube!  Thanks for playing!!!


Big, Happy Chicken

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The "Who Is That Big Chicken?" Contest!

Hello Everyone and welcome back to my blog.  This is a somber day for chickens everywhere, as one of my new audience members just gave me the ol' "you'd better crack me up, or else..." sort of an ultimatum, so now I am a chicken AND I am under pressure.  THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF CHICKEN THAT IS THE GOOD KIND.  Hey, if I am a chicken under pressure, does that mean that my goose is cooked?  So, remember in that post I wrote the other day where I was thinking about maybe trying out some kinder, gentler chicken roles?  Lie.  That was yet another lie, courtesy of me, The Very Big C.  I realize the last couple of thoughts there were unrelated to the first, therefore breaking the rules that usually apply to paragraphs everywhere, but I'm leaving it just like that, and I absolutely refuse to put a hard return, and therefore space, between those thoughts, because I am an ornery chicken.  And today, I am also feeling a bit...cocky.

Oh, guess what?  It is contest time on my blog again!  That's right.  So here's the back story first.  For some time now, people have been asking me, "Who are you, really, zbigc?  I mean, under that mask, are you a real person, or are you, as that one weird comment-poster said that one time, really some sort of a mad chicken scientist who attaches pieces and parts in new and exciting ways?"*_*

Truth is, Everyone, I am a little bit of both.  Which is poor grammar, true, because "each" would be better, but just because this is my blog, I am going to leave that there.  Next, I am going to solicit chickens from the audience.

Are YOU a Big Chicken?!  Do you KNOW a Big Chicken?  Have you ever in your life SEEN someone that you thought maybe could enter the running to BE a Big Chicken?  Well, now is your chance to get a little taste of the power and glory that comes from being online!  That's right, you too, can be an online presence, in an incredibly wholesome and satisfying and funny sort of a way.  So, here it is everyone, The One, The Only "Who Is That Big Chicken?" Contest!  

Here are the rules:
There are none.  ISN'T THAT GREAT?!

Here's how we play:
If you are a big chicken, or you know a big chicken, or if you've ever seen anyone who you thought might be able to enter the running to be a big chicken, let me know!  You can do so a couple of ways, either by

1. Emailing me at zbigchicken at gmail dot com or by
2. Posting a comment on my blog (you can choose to do so anonymously if you are REALLY and TRULY a big chicken, and if you would absolutely wither from embarrassment should anyone see something you've written, just let me know and send me fifty dollars and I won't publish it.  Just kidding, I would, plus then I would have your fifty dollars.  But try it anyhow, okay, because today I might keep my word.  I know that would be a little out of character for me, but you could try it and see.  Hey, you know what?  You really should try it, you know why?  Because remember when someone sometime told you that you should give people the benefit of the doubt?  They were talking about situations such as these***

Contest-Havin' Chicken

*_* No one has ever actually asked me this, but this is my blog, and so, therefore, I can say what I want to, even if it isn't true.  Oh, and plus, I can mispell words too.  The power of a blogspot is unlike any I have felt before.  Unrivaled by riches, or fame, or, or, well, any of those other things that peeps go after.  Like groceries.  Yeah, that's it, the power of my blog is unrivaled by the power of a full larder.  (Listen, it's late, and I'm tired - no, I'm not really, I'm just lying to try to get out of work.  Again.)

***They were not.  You know why I do this?  To encourage the reading of footnotes.  I cannot stress to you enough the importance of reading footnotes (especially on my blog).  Oh, have you ever gotten mail with a special offer that had an asterisk indicating a footnote somewhere in the text, usually like right after they named the price, and then you go to look for the referenced footnote that would apply and there is nothing there?  That kind of stuff is brilliant.  Just a brilliant tactical manuever.   Speaking of which, if anyone spots the mis-spelled words today, you get extra bonus points, subject to the referenced terms and conditions, plus a 10% discount.* 

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Social Media

Know what I think would be neat?  Anti-social media.  I think that it would be cool to have my own anti-social media site, and then when peeps go visit it and view profiles and so forth, they could have neat buttons to choose from that would be similar to "like," but would be more like "hate."  That way, you could get a pretty good idea of who your enemies are right from the start.

Oh, hey, speaking of social media, you may have noticed that I am now one of your peeps on Facebook.  That's right, readers, chicken that I am, I still managed to find it within myself to go put myself out there on the FB platform for everyone to see.  Here is what I wrote in my first "Personal Interests" statement.  I hope they don't have any rules about honesty on there.

"Roller skating.  Chicks.  Oh, also roller-blading. Hm, what else?  Making people laugh.  Bugs.  Glycogen and other molecules...Just kidding, Ladies!  I don't really like algebra or science, man, those subjects are for geeks!  hahaha  (ok, in all honesty, really, I do like them, I was just scared you would think I was a geek [chicken-suit aside], and I don't know yet if I want to be honest here in this, my first "Personal Interests" statement on Facebook, or if I should start out by lying about what it is I like in order to try to impress the chicks.  Now I'm confused.  Doggone it, why is it that trying to be honest always turns into some sort of a dilemma?  At times like these, I just have to ask myself, "Is it really worth it?")"

Big, Lying Chicken

Friday, November 5, 2010

Odyssey Storytelling Event and Homework

Hi Everyone and Welcome Back to the Pluckiest Blog on the Planet!  First I wanna send a big shout-out to all my peeps who showed up at the Odyssey Storytelling Event last night.  It was a great show!  Thanks for coming out.

Also, a big "Thank You!" to Penelope Starr and Adam Hostetter for all the work they do organizing these storytelling events, and for giving my "ex" a chance to talk about me on stage.  They have some fun themes coming up, so be sure to check them out here

Then, I have some exciting news for you all, and that is this: SOMEONE HAS FINALLY OFFERED TO DO MY HOMEWORK FOR ME!  Truly, this is a great day for chickens everywhere, so I would just like to thank "Anonymous," who so graciously offered to do my homework for me.  Thank you.  Truly, Anonymous, thou art a Friend to Chickens Everywhere, and I don't bestow that title upon just anyone.  (For those of you who may not be "in the know," you can do a little catchin' up on the back story here: )

You know what else?  I am thinking that I wish to shake things up a bit here on this blog that I created to explore character development, as there are some other chickens emerging from the nether regions of my brain.  So, if you have been following for a while, or if you're new to this game, get ready, because I may actually have a chicken for you with a sweet disposition, or something CRAZY like that.  Woo-hoo.

This is your big zesty chicken, signing off with my first-time, signature
"Cackle, cackle, cackle"

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Odyssey Storytelling Event in Tucson, Arizona - Tonight!

Tonight's the night!  That's right, tonight's the night my Ex is going to probably blab about all of my most embarrassing qualities at that Odyssey Storytelling Event, I'm sure of it. 

Ah, well, c'est la vie, right?

Still, after all she's done to me, I still kind of like her.  I wonder if she'd get back together with me?  Hmmmm.  How can I date both her and my costume designer while professing to each that I am a one-woman man?  I mean, bird.  These are the kinds of questions that torment your poor chicken.  Poor, poor chicken.

See you tonight!

Poor, poor, chicken

PS-Am I gettin' any sympathy with this?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Odyssey Storytelling Event in Tucson - Tomorrow Night

Hi Everyone!  Just a reminder that my ex is going to be a storyteller tomorrow night in Tucson, Arizona.

So, mark your calendars for the Odyssey Storytelling Event, where you can stand up for my rights against my evil, nefarious ex.

See you there!  You know why?  Bk-bk-bkcause I am going.  That's right, I have decided that I will be there, just to make sure she only says nice things about me.  I'll just go in a disguise is all, that way, she won't recognize me, and then the restraining order won't apply, right?


My Ex is telling a story and I would love to have you in the audience ~
ODYSSEY STORYTELLING brings together an eclectic collection of storytellers for entertainment and inspiration.
Thursday, Nov 4, 2010 at 7 PM (doors open at 6:30)
CLUB CONGRESS, 311 E. Congress
Tickets $7 at the door
To be sure to get a reserved seat buy your tickets online:  
for more info visit

Spider Rap Song Winner, My Nefarious Ex, and Facebook

Hello Everyone and Welcome Back Once Again to the Wildest, Corniest Blog on the Planet!  Since I wrote to you last, we have had visitors to z'blog including peeps from Bangladesh, so a big Welcome!

Just a quick note to let you all know that we have a brand new Big Chicken Contest Winner!

That's right, folks, we here at Big Chicken Studios would like to congratulate Anonymous for the original Spider Rap Song they composed and posted as a comment at the end of this blog post here

So here, for your reading pleasure, is the original Spider Rap Song, by Anonymous -

"two four six or eight spider swingers are really great watch m swing m watch roll right in to their spider hole where they sit and watch and wait with all those eyes for a bug to terrorize im a sugga for you im a sugga for you hey you wanna come over for dinner my treat"

Congratulations, Anonymous!  When I decide what you've won, I'll let you know.  And if you all want a nice accompaniment (did I spell that right?) to the spider rap song, check out this great little song about bugs that was yet another Big Chicken Contest Winner.

Thanks for playing, Everyone!

Also, someone claiming to be my Ex wrote a comment on this post here, but I seriously doubt it was her because, last I heard, she didn't know how to read.**  I went ahead and responded just in case though, because she scares me.*  (You can read her snide comments here at the end of this post )


Big Ol' World-Travelin' Chicken

PS-Oh, hey you guys, I just remembered!  Didja notice anything new about my blog?  Didja?  No?  It's the Facebook thingie!  Now you can go "Like" me on Facebook.  Isn't that cool?  I know!

**That is a straight-up lie I use to feel superior.

*That is true.