Hello Everyone and welcome back to my blog. This is a somber day for chickens everywhere, as one of my new audience members just gave me the ol' "you'd better crack me up, or else..." sort of an ultimatum, so now I am a chicken AND I am under pressure. THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF CHICKEN THAT IS THE GOOD KIND. Hey, if I am a chicken under pressure, does that mean that my goose is cooked? So, remember in that post I wrote the other day where I was thinking about maybe trying out some kinder, gentler chicken roles? Lie. That was yet another lie, courtesy of me, The Very Big C. I realize the last couple of thoughts there were unrelated to the first, therefore breaking the rules that usually apply to paragraphs everywhere, but I'm leaving it just like that, and I absolutely refuse to put a hard return, and therefore space, between those thoughts, because I am an ornery chicken. And today, I am also feeling a bit...cocky.
Oh, guess what? It is contest time on my blog again! That's right. So here's the back story first. For some time now, people have been asking me, "Who are you, really, zbigc? I mean, under that mask, are you a real person, or are you, as that one weird comment-poster said that one time, really some sort of a mad chicken scientist who attaches pieces and parts in new and exciting ways?"*_*
Truth is, Everyone, I am a little bit of both. Which is poor grammar, true, because "each" would be better, but just because this is my blog, I am going to leave that there. Next, I am going to solicit chickens from the audience.
Are YOU a Big Chicken?! Do you KNOW a Big Chicken? Have you ever in your life SEEN someone that you thought maybe could enter the running to BE a Big Chicken? Well, now is your chance to get a little taste of the power and glory that comes from being online! That's right, you too, can be an online presence, in an incredibly wholesome and satisfying and funny sort of a way. So, here it is everyone, The One, The Only "Who Is That Big Chicken?" Contest!
Here are the rules:
There are none. ISN'T THAT GREAT?!
Here's how we play:
If you are a big chicken, or you know a big chicken, or if you've ever seen anyone who you thought might be able to enter the running to be a big chicken, let me know! You can do so a couple of ways, either by
1. Emailing me at zbigchicken at gmail dot com or by
2. Posting a comment on my blog (you can choose to do so anonymously if you are REALLY and TRULY a big chicken, and if you would absolutely wither from embarrassment should anyone see something you've written, just let me know and send me fifty dollars and I won't publish it. Just kidding, I would, plus then I would have your fifty dollars. But try it anyhow, okay, because today I might keep my word. I know that would be a little out of character for me, but you could try it and see. Hey, you know what? You really should try it, you know why? Because remember when someone sometime told you that you should give people the benefit of the doubt? They were talking about situations such as these***
Your,
Contest-Havin' Chicken
*_* No one has ever actually asked me this, but this is my blog, and so, therefore, I can say what I want to, even if it isn't true. Oh, and plus, I can mispell words too. The power of a blogspot is unlike any I have felt before. Unrivaled by riches, or fame, or, or, well, any of those other things that peeps go after. Like groceries. Yeah, that's it, the power of my blog is unrivaled by the power of a full larder. (Listen, it's late, and I'm tired - no, I'm not really, I'm just lying to try to get out of work. Again.)
***They were not. You know why I do this? To encourage the reading of footnotes. I cannot stress to you enough the importance of reading footnotes (especially on my blog). Oh, have you ever gotten mail with a special offer that had an asterisk indicating a footnote somewhere in the text, usually like right after they named the price, and then you go to look for the referenced footnote that would apply and there is nothing there? That kind of stuff is brilliant. Just a brilliant tactical manuever. Speaking of which, if anyone spots the mis-spelled words today, you get extra bonus points, subject to the referenced terms and conditions, plus a 10% discount.*
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