Tuesday, December 24, 2013

New Chicken Suit

Hi Everyone,

Well, I did it.  I finally bit the bullet and suited up in my amazingly dashing and handsome chicken suit.  You can check it out on my Facebook page here https://www.facebook.com/zbigchicken

Don't I look fabulous?!

I am one fine-looking bird, I can tell you.

Ladies...I am looking at you...all of you.

Z'very fine-looking, indeed (and mostly single, if you don't count the one partner),

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Sort of an Anniversary

Great News, Everyone...we have now had over 10,000 views of the blog!  I must say that this is an exciting day for chickens everywhere.  Why, before you know it, my associates and our merry band of revelers and chicken-skaters will be placed in positions of imaginary power throughout this our great land, nay (though our audience isn't typically equine), the world.  That's right.  Calling all chickens, calling chickens everywhere, this is your chance to be a part of the new American Dream.  That dream used to consist of security and stability and so forth, but now we're just going to shake things up a bit, go out on a limb, and shake our tailfeathers.  Are you with me?!

Who's with me?!


Helloooooooo.  Anyone out there?

Oh, for crying out loud, did you guys go to sleep or something?  I just made an absolutely riveting speech about a pivotal point in chicken history, and what do you guys do, you go to sleep.  Fine bunch of feathered friends you are.  Sheesh.

Hey, stop hogging the covers.

Your "Pi in the Sky,"

Over 'n out.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

A Dream Come True

Guess what, Everyone?  You know how I had this dream to dress up in a large chicken suit and rollerskate around the country to try to get people to laugh and all of that stuff, and then I wrote this blog, and started a Facebook page, and a Twitter account and started making very, very, very witty jokes and quips and so forth and then started asking people for money to fund my endeavor?  (Actually, I think I started asking for money before I started the blog...)  Anyway, well, guess what?!!!

I subcontracted it out! 

Yeah, my assistant, (who should probably be an employee, according to the IRS regulations about determining whether a person who does work is a 1099 contractor or really an employee of the firm) has agreed to go do this for me!

I am just totally psyched out about this.  I can't even begin to tell you how happy it makes me to have a dream come true like this, and the best part is is that I won't even have to do the work!  How about them apples, huh?  I actually got some schmoe, I mean, my "lovely" assistant to go do it for me.  What a sucker!  I mean, what a dedicated, loyal employee, I mean contractor (did you get that, IRS?  I'm talking to you, yeah, you, with your big fancy offices and your absolute power to instill fear in the hearts of all of the good, hard-working people who have to pay taxes every year so that fat-cat bureaucrats can do things like build roads, and support public education programs, and maintain diplomatic relationships with foreign countries, and, uh, hmmmm, where was I going with this?  No matter, moving on...)

I'll keep you posted, but I just have to say that, in regards to the chicken suit...better her than me.

Your egg-static,

Monday, May 27, 2013

Helping People

It was brought to my attention sometime back that perhaps I should spend more time helping people.  I guess that must have been five, maybe six, no, probably seven or eight years ago by now.  Anyway, the time frame doesn't matter as much as the fact that I am finally considering doing that.  I mean, one of the things that I did notice was that it seemed like the guys who helped people got the chicks.  Not saying that I wouldn't help people out otherwise (I think my track record speaks for itself on this one), just that it seems like having pretty girls fawn all over me and tell me how sweet and nice I am for helping other people could be a big bonus.  Actually, that one thing alone could make all of this helping people crap actually worthwhile.  You know, I'm beginning to see now why people become philanderers, I mean, philanthropists...because it pays.

So, although I used to think that spending my precious time helping other people was a major waste of time, I think I've had a change of heart.  (Please feel free to broadcast this heartfelt message to any and all of the cute, attractive, young college-aged ladies that you know.)

Your Newly Philanthropic (unless it means giving actual money),*

*I mean it.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Return of the Cyber Chicken

Today I wax poetic in an attempt to avoid duties at my day job.  You're welcome.

biting at the computer
cyber-charged hands flinging thoughts through keyboard to screen
once a mere fantasy
the day of global communication and interchange is here
at once enlightening, ennobling, and yet humbling
as awareness of millions of other electronically communicating creatures
enters my conscious mind