Thursday, January 27, 2011

Kookburra's Birthday

So I forgot Kookaburra's birthday, and boy was she mad. Well, actually, I didn't forget her birthday as much as I ignored it. But do you know what? Her behaviour towards me was another good reminder of just how unreasonable that kooky chick can be, and honestly, I'm thinking about dumping that one friend of hers I've been seeing on the side, just to send her a strong message. That's right, a strong message, that when she gets mad at me, I'm gonna stop dating any of her friends that I'm currently shacking up with because I get tired of hearing all about it from her and then from her other friend, too. It's like, I have got to get a break from all the drama sometime, is what I'm sayin'.***

Your Romantically Entangled, Convoluted

***Quiztime:Where should the punctuation go?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Personal Ad

Hey Ladies,

I'm zbigchicken, and I am here today to tell you a little bit about myself.

One.) I love math. So don't ever do anything to come between me and pi. Nothing personal, but that one's a deal breaker.

Two.) I just had a whiteboard installed in my house, so now I can scribble mathematical equations and Chinese characters in the privacy (pronounced "priv-uh-see" as if you were reading Jane Austen or some other English writer like that)of mine own home. So, don't ever try to do anything to come between me and my whiteboard either, because that, too, is a deal breaker. I don't care how cute you are in feathers, it's just the current hierarchical structure of the level of importance of various things (yes, that's right, I'm referring to you as a "thing") in my life at this point in time, and it goes a little something like this:

1.) Pi.
2.) Whiteboard.
3.) You.

In that order.

Your Real Ladies' Man,

PS-I've been running this ad online in various locations for a month now, and still no results. Do ya think I oughtta add a picture?

PPS-Whoever can spot the redundant portion of today's blog post WINS!!!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Yard Sale On My Blog!

Hello Everyone and Welcome Back Once Again to the First Ever Yard Sale on My Blog!

Today we have words - that's right, WORDS!




A sale like this doesn't come along every week. Just today, so impress your friends with some of these delicious words from zbigchicken blog.

And remember, these words are GUARUNTEED to get you LAID!**

Yer Salesman of the Week,

**Aside from the blatant mis-spelling, this statement is a lie. Just an FYI. Why am I starting out the week here with a lie? Well, honestly, it's because I've been trying to operate from a standpoint of honesty and integrity for years now, and it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. So, or HENce, rather (just to get a chicken-related reference in there) I'm now going to resort to every fowl attention-seeking device I can think of in my quest for money, power, and absolute control over the poultry industry.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Big Chicken Seeks Space Bubble

I have this thing about space. There's this invisible zone around me that my peeps can get close to, but once past a certain point, I cringe. Just an FYI. So, what I'm looking for is my very own space bubble. Or maybe I could build a rocket-telescope, and call it zbigchicken's Bubble Telescope. That would be zbc's BT, for short.

Anyhoo. Still haven't gotten that henna tattoo. Am waitin' for the time to get nice and ripe before I let some stranger ink me. I don't care if there isn't any actual piercing involved, it still makes me nervous.

Your chicken,

PS-Anybody else out there learning Mandarin? Wanna chat with z'chicken? Email me at zbigchicken at gmail dot com!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Big Chicken Tats

Hey. So I was thinking about getting some ink done, 'cept the needles scare me, so I've thought about it long and hard and decided to go with henna.* That way, the chicks can dig me, plus then I won't have to look silly as I age. Can you imagine how silly sagging ink would look in a chicken suit? Yeah, the indignity of that would be just appalling.

Your ennobled chicken.

*This looks like a chicken word. Get it? Hen-na? Ah ha, ah ha, ah haaaaaaaaaa