Friday, December 31, 2010

Wanted! Grant-Maker for Chicken Movie

Ahhhh, Craigslist, so we meet again. Have I told you how much I missed you while you were gone? Here's a little ditty I wrote - just for you, Craigslist. Just for you.


A grant-maker who is desperately seeking to fund a first-time chicken-skater screenwriter, civil engineer-turned-digital-musician, teacher slash costume designer, muse/creative consultant to the chicken/actress/writer/artist, editing specialist, and other team members comprising a merry band (or motley crew) of movie-makers.

Details available upon request.


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Severe Shortage of Breast Jokes on My Blog

I am a big human person who would like to dress up in a large chicken suit and roller-skate around the country and make a funny movie about it. I want the chicken suit to be tastefully done. Also, I write many funny things on my blog: namely, absurd, corny, fowl humor, with lots of jokes about breasts and some about legs and thighs. Actually, come to think of it, I haven't had nearly enough breast jokes on my blog of late, and doggone it, that's gonna change. Tonight. Also, I like to eat bugs.


Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Hello Everyone and welcome back to my blog! Today we have a short survey for all of you visitors here, to help get some feedback about what you like to see here and what you might like to see more of. Be sure to use the spaces for comments to let your voice be heard here at zbigchicken blog!

Survey-Conductin' Chicken
PS-The survey will help me to create the kind of blog and movie that will keep you rolling on the floor laughing out loud, or ROTFLOL, as my peeps here in cyberspace like to say.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Website's Leaving Me...

You know, I had started this new "thing" with a website, but apparently my Creator (who seems to have a god complex, BTW) is going to discontinue any association with me there (what, embarrassed to know me now? That's the thing with fame, I guess, some peeps, it's like they never even knew you.) Anyhow, this "person" is going to have a "serious" website, one that is more reflective of the actual business part of things (although, this one still tends to use words like "bidness" in communications with least I get that much.) Why am I telling you all of this? Because I just want you to know that, even though this is, in effect, putting a psychological restraining order between me and the website, I AM STILL KEEPING THE BLOG! Oh, and there will be a link there, too, but only if I agreed to never, ever, ever go there again. Anyhow, here's the page I had written for the site.

"I still can't believe the website broke up with me" Chicken

Hi! Welcome to, home of the Zaniest Chicken on the Planet! This website is my new pad. I just got it, and I'm really happy to be here. It feels more like a permanent home than the blog, a little more spacious, and hopefully I'll be able to put in that pool I've been wanting, plus the garden and so forth. It may take a little while for me to get the T-shirt, coffee-mug, and funny bird-related art inventory stocked and ready for you all, but in the meantime, I sure do hope that you'll stop on by my blog and read my wacky, stream-of-consciousness sort of humor as I get ready to fulfill My Life's Dream of roller-skating around the nation and making a funny movie about it. So, check me out at

Your Big Chicken

PS-My blog has everything you need to catch you up to speed on who I am and what it is that I'm doing here. So tell your friends, and have them tell their friends, and then, if they have a couple of friends they aren't talking to for whatever reason, go ahead and give them a call and try to mend fences, 'cause life is short, and then if that doesn't work, just let 'em know that they are now officially considered "enemies," and then have them secede from your Circle of Friends, and go out and start their own Circle of Friends, where maybe they can get a better phone rate, in which case, you should probably seriously consider befriending them again because it may help your pocket-book, and after all, isn't that what the REAL friends are for? No, not really. But still, if it helps your purse or your money-bag, then that might help you feel better or happier, perhaps a little more confident than you used to feel, back when you were struggling to make ends meet and then you had to feed the kids and all and your boss was really not giving you the respect that you deserved, so then what? Listen, I don't know what to tell you, except, back to the original point in yet another one of my patented, long-winded discourses, have your friends tell their friends about my funny blog, and then one day, we can all get on the mailing list together, (that's right, I'll get on it, too, right up there with the rest of you, because there is no way I would let you get into something like this on your own - it's wayyyy too funny for anyone to keep to themselves**) which has yet to be created but just cut me a little slack okay? I'm a Working Class Chicken, and I have to do this empire-building one step at a time. It's pretty fun though, so if you want to play this funny chicken game with me, then let me know at zigbigchicken at gmail dot com , which is my primary email address, although that, too, will probably change since I now have a Website, with a Webhost, and numerous email accounts - which is all very exciting for a big chicken like me.

PPS-I sure do hope you mend fences with that one friend. You know why? Because I am still avoiding that one of mine, so I figure, if I encourage you to do something like that, then maybe it'll chalk up some points for me somewhere. That's right, reader, I am encouraging you to do something that I myself am putting off. Listen, you should know, up front, that this sort of a thing is pretty typical for a chicken such as myself.

PPPS-Oh, hey! Why don't you drop me a line and let me know what Your Life's Dream is? I would love to hear about what it is that you most want to do. Plus, then maybe we could put our heads together and figure out how to getter done, you know?

**Could someone run a grammar check on this for me, please?

Thursday, December 16, 2010


Best thing about the holiday season? Potluck/gamenight! Oh, man, I can hardly wait to get together with all my peeps and chow down on some corn chips. I just hope that one chick doesn't bring the same pickled beetles she brought the last time. They were wayyyyyy too sour. Then, there's the tooth-achingly sweet fruitcake that just seems like such a waste of good grubs.

Whaddayou mean, there aren't any grubs in fruitcake? Well, maybe not in your recipe, but it's a standard at our family's get togethers. As a matter of fact, my great-great-grandmother on my mother's side was cooped up with a baker (yes, it was quite the scandal) one time who gave her the best fruitcake (although we generally call it "grubcake" or just "grub," for short) recipe ever. I'd share it with you, but I'm saving that for my special recipe book that I have planned for release next year. So, you'll just have to wait on that for now. In the meantime, though, you can savor this tasty little nugget of a short film, brought to you by the good folks over at CoyoteMoon Films, who released this DVD in time for your holiday stocking stuffer list.

All This Talk About Grubs Is Making Me Hungry - Chicken

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Training Programs for People Like Me

Not long after I realized that I want nothing more in life than to dress up as a large chicken and roller skate around the country**, I decided, without doing any research into the matter, that there weren't any training programs out there for people like me.

I was wrong. There are resources available, as this email notice that turned up in my inbox last week indicated(see below), proving once again and twice over easy the fact that fact is often times stranger than fiction. By the way, I went to the workshop last Sunday, and it was eggsactly what I had no idea I was looking for.

Life is the strangest thing I've ever experienced - Chicken

**This is a figure of speech. I do have other hopes, dreams, and aspirations. I just don't wish to tell you what they are, because I'm afraid you might all laugh at me. -zbc

Subject: Butoh Dance Workshop Series! THEME: Fundamental Elementals...
> “... to push out all of the human inside and let the bird take its
> place. You may start by imitating, but imitation is not your final
> goal; when you believe you are thinking completely like a chicken you
> have succeeded... Only in this way you can bring the body back to its
> original state. It is not depiction or symbolization which is the
> foundation of butoh. It is the metamorphosis.” ~ Harmen Sikkenga,
> Butoh writer
> Join us on Sunday, Dec. 12 @ 3-4:30pm for the next class of the DANCE
> WORKSHOP SERIES where the theme changes each week, from now until the
> end of the year! Workshop attendees get to choose from a selection of
> themes for the next class!
> ALL classes will be unique from each other... walk-ins and all levels
> of experience welcome!
> Combining Butoh ("Zen Dancing"), imagery, and many other fun and
> creative "tools in the toolbox", you will have the opportunity at each
> class to:
> • Explore and liberate your internal voice & personal rhythm
> • Practice awareness and presence through improvisation
> • Connect with energy, nature & a joyous dancing community
> • Experience a timeless space and a juicy appreciation of life!
> +++ THE THEME FOR NEXT WORKSHOP WILL BE...... Fundamental Elementals!
> The elements... earth, wind, fire, water, ether, everyone,
> everything... interconnected.
> 3 - 4:30pm
> Rhythm Industry Performance Factory
> 1013 S. Tyndall Avenue
> (1 block W. of Park Ave, 2nd warehouse S. of 20th St)
> (From N.- take Speedway and go S. onto Euclid, which turns into Park
> Ave.)
> $10-$15 (Pay what you can)
> Nov. 14 (Theme: Breath Body)
> Nov. 21 (Theme: Astral Journeys)
> Nov. 28 (Theme: Layers)
> Dec. 5 (No class- TAB Art Show & Wine Tasting)
> Dec. 12 (Fundamental Elementals)
> Dec. 19
> Dec. 26
> After December, you will have the opportunity to participate in the
> Water Festival performance!
> See ya on the dance floor to experience the elements!
> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
> Community Arts • Education • Civic Engagement
> 520.791.9359
> PO Box 545, Tucson AZ 85702
> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Friday, December 10, 2010

Big Chicken's Official Sock Monkey Survey

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be a big chicken?

Have you ever had the desire to help underprivileged chickens in barnyards far away from your home land?

Well, take this survey!  It has absolutely nothing to do with either of those things, but it should at least make you smile before you have to go navigate the perils of traffic once again. 

So, here it is everyone, the Official Big Chicken Survey on Sock Monkey, I mean Survey Monkey - Click here to take survey

Thanks for playing and good luck!

Surveying Chicken

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Test Time on Z'Blog!

It's Finals' Week here on z'blog, and in honor of college exams everywhere (but especially in this neck of the woods), we here at z'bigchicken television studios are offering, for a limited time only, another test.

That's right, tell your friends and come on by, because this week and this week only, we're going to up the stakes here and put the questions out to you and all your peeps.

First question, essay response, counts two points towards your final grade.  Please limit essays to no more than one sentence.

1. Worth a zillion points*: During the days of social stratification, big chickens everywhere were said to be at the bottom of the heap.  This is a downright lie, and a fowl mockery of my brethren to boot.  Social commentary aside, I would now like to bring to you the Truth About Social Stratification: As Told By Your Big Chicken.  However, time doesn't permit, so you'll need to do your own homework on this one, and just forego the lecture.  No, I'll forego the lecture.  Wait a minute, I'm getting confused here.  Nevermind, just HURRY UP AND FINISH YOUR STUDYING BECAUSE THE TIME IS A'RUNNING OUT AND HOW DO YOU EVER EXPECT TO GET A DECENT JOB WITHOUT A COLLEGE EDUCATION ANYWAY UNLESS YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE PEEPS WHO WERE ABLE TO DO IT NOTWITHSTANDING?  (Your big, hunky chicken is not one of those peeps.  Not yet, anyway, hen-ce, the college education.  BTW, I was trying to get another chicken reference in there with the hyphenated "hence."  Didja catch that?  Do ya think I'm trying too hard this morning?  Listen, if you think I'm trying too hard this morning, shoot me an email over at zbigchicken at gmail dot com or leave a comment here at the end of the post and let me know.  Who knows, you may be the Lucky Winner of a Trip to a Potluck Slash Gamenight with Z'bigchicken and Crew!  But only  if you aren't critical, because RIGHT NOW I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT.  Oh, hey, I just thought of another chicken reference...I could say "lay off."  Get it?  Lay off.  That's pretty cute.  Okay, back to the exam.  So, cut it out you guys because I need to FOCUS already.)

Question One on zbigchicken Blog's Final Exam.  Here today, on the blog.  (Continued from above the preceding diatribe.)

1. In the Third Edition of Big Chicken's Social Stratification - An In-Depth Look at Class Structure and Hierarchical Systems and How They Affect Modern Poultry Production, the Big Chicken maintained that there are clearly defined separations that form distinct boundaries among groups in modern American culture, and that the roles of each "class" within this structure were apparent, even to the layman (get it?  another chicken reference).  Define the the concept of "class," expand the boundaries to include the rest of the world, give a detailed discussion of each culture's view of class and hierarchical systems, and name the theory - all in one sentence.  (Be sure to make it a sentence that isn't a run-on sentence, because you know how I feel about those.  Of course, my assistant will probably be the one managing the grading anyway, but still, just humor me, okay?  I've been working hard all semester and could sure use some time to just...."lay"....around.)

(Um, hmmmm, what sort of chicken shall I be today?  I know!  You can fill in the blank for me!  Aw, gee, thanks, that's so nice of you!  Here - I'll even put a nice space for you to write me in as the candidate for supreme ruler of the universe, no, I mean , the adjective.  Which gives me another idea, then, for the adjective.  I'm going to try something new here, so tell me what you think.  Which one looks better?)

___________ Chicken (this is the one where you do my work for me by filling in the blank) OR

Adjectival Chicken+*
*I realize I changed the point structure arbitrarily and without notice, but I can do that.  I tell you, the power of the blog never ceases to amaze me.

+*Does this second one make my thighs look fat?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

More Nuggets of Wisdom From Yours Truly

Hello Everyone and welcome back to my blog.  I was just re-reading a post from the other day and realized that I promised to post here for all of you some more of my highly refined "Nuggets of Wisdom."  So, here goes:

1. Always watch out for where you step, especially when you are barefoot in the barnyard.   I cannot stress that enough.***

2. Get your homework done on time, and then buy mine that I have for sale right here You know what?  That one is probably more important than the other one, so make sure you do number two.

3. Flagrant fowls in any sporting event will simply not be tolerated.  Especially not waterfowls, which is undoubtedly a case of segregation, and I'm tired of it.  I mean, really, in this day and age....

4. Make sure you smile at peeps who smile at you, like this one anonymous comment-poster on my blog who left a heart-warming comment at the end of the now-famous Homework for Sale post from yesterday

and, finally, the one you've all been waiting for....that's right....number five in a series.....(drum roll please)....

5. Never, ever, ever, tell your blogspot about your website, because that is just asking for trouble. 

***Here, since it is very important, I will put it in bold italics, which will hopefully serve to stress the importance of this particular nugget. Always watch out for where you step, especially when you are barefoot in the barnyard. Hm, I am thinking that was probably overstated, and could therefore be construed as presumptuous, so I'll tone it down a little.

Here-------> Always watch out for where you step, especially when you are barefoot in the barnyard.

Ahhhh, that's better.

Oh, and BTW: Get your homework done on time, and then buy mine that I have for sale right here

Presumptuous Chicken
(Listen, I'm not trying to look presumptuous or cocky by typing in bold, italicized text, I am just unwilling to go change the font settings this late in the game.  Thanks, I knew you'd understand.)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Homework for Sale!

I have here some genuine, just-finished and completely worked out intermediate algebra problems.   These beautiful images are original pencil drawings on 20-lb weight photocopier paper. 

Note: Some of the problems were erased and re-worked, which, while lending a sense of forward motion to each piece, is also reminiscent of traditional smudge art, thereby blending these wonderful renditions of rational equations and quadratic functions with a boldness that finally breaks down the barriers between Science and the Humanities.  Next week, I tackle god.

So, act now to purchase these truly timeless works of art and science.

Dimensions: 8.5 x 11"

Single Image -
With Frame: $295.00 USD
Without Frame: $14.95, plus shipping and handling.

Discount available for bulk purchase listed as follows.
Full Series (Six  Images) -
With Individual Frames: $1,000.00 USD
Without Frames: $60.00

Pictures available upon request.

Monday, December 6, 2010

How Many Chickens Does It Take to Cross the Road?

Apparently there are more chickens in my psyche than I ever realized, because the main character, or protagonist, in my chicken skate film is not at all like this chicken here on the blog or as described on the "About Me and Contact" page a few months back.  However, since I do like playing around with this character, too, I am just going to leave this all up here and keep rolling with this guy as well, at least on the blog.  Who knows, maybe he'll make a special guest appearance in the film or something, so stay tuned!

Hey, did I tell you about my up-coming e-book?  It's a free e-book, written by this zany blog-postin' chicken.  I, J.L. Godwin, am acting as editor of z'book, and shall have it published electronically for you all just as soon as I can finish deciphering his deplorable (you see what's coming here, don't you?....) chicken scratch. 

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What I Have Learned Thus Far

You know, I was thinking that it's almost anniversary time here at zbigchicken blog, because I've been doing this chicken business for nigh on four months now.  So, as a way to thank all of you for your continued interest, I have decided to share, or bestow upon you, some nuggets of wisdom.  Here you go.  Oh, and by the're welcome. 



If there's one thing I've learned in all my months of blogging, it's that kookaburra birds are crazy.  And possessive.  At least some of them are.  Not that I'm one to make broad generalizations based upon interactions with a few (namely, one), but I think it's probably pretty safe to say, in the most conservative way and after much critical examination, that the whole genus is a bit "cracked," if you follow me. 

What else have I learned?  ....hmmm...what is it that I've learned?  Hold on a sec, I need to think about this.  Listen, tell you what, I'll go consider this some more and then get back to you on it.  Maybe tomorrow.  Or the next day.  So, stay tuned for more nuggets of wisdom from yours truly.

Yours. Truly.
z'very big chicken