Needed! Someone To Do My Homework For Me

Good morning ladies, and wheat germs, and fair, soft, plucky, cute feathered friends:

I am writing to you today because I have an announcement that needs to circulate within the wanted ad sections of your daily circulars or electronic newsletters or what-have-you, (since I simply cannot commit to regularly publishing one of my own, and if you wish to know more about that, please refer to the prior post about that here on  on my blog-spot although, again, and I just really cannot stress this enough, I am not going to tell you which one it is or where it is located because I just refuse to continue doing your work for you) so please feel free to forward this on to your many and varied and magnificent and smart and also terribly, terribly wealthy friends in the spirit in which it was written, or typed, or laid, fresh this morning.

WANTED:

Someone to do my homework for me while I travel around and have many related chicken-skate adventures.

Oh, alright, I know that I need to do my coursework myself because, after all, it does build character, which as you all know by now, (or at the very least you should although sometimes I just cannot be sure how much is really infiltrating that spongy mass coated by a hard crunchy shell that is your head.  Don't look at me.  I'm just sayin', is all.) is the reason that I am here, doing this.  For you.

So please, call now.  Except I am not going to put my phone number on here because I do not want to get a bunch of phone calls from wackos while I am seriously trying to dress up like a chicken and roller skate around the country.  So lay off!  Here, try emailing me at zbigchicken at gmail dot com and that is with a z before the b because it gives it a little something to really push it over the top of this lunacy.  I thank you.

Once again and twice over easy and verily I remain,
Your Incredibly, Edibly, Large and Magnificent and Strong Yet Flamboyant - "C"