-Hello, and welcome to the next edition of "Ask a Big Chicken." I am your host, Big Chicken. My guest today is the handsome and talented, Big Chicken. Yes, I will be interviewing myself. Do you have a problem with that, Reader? I thought not. Ahem. (I am handsome and talented, aren't I? It's just that, sometimes I feel so afraid. Getting older, feathers falling out, not much of a nest egg to speak of, burned through that sucker in the crazy omelette-making days of my youth, can hardly find the time to preen properly because everyone I know has all these clucking problems-)
-Big Chicken! We're trying to have a show here.
Oh, sorry. As if you are never plagued by moments of pity and self-doubt.
-Big Chicken, our viewers, both of them, no, wait, all three of them, hang on, there are at least five that we know of now. That's right, five whole readers that we are aware of and we just love and value and just really couldn't pull this crap off without and who we simply must have over for holiday dinner, except not this year because it's Cousin C______'s turn to host and you know how she is. Maybe you don't know how she is and, while I am not one to gossip, I did hear the other day that she-
Excuse me, Big Chicken. Aren't you going to interview me?
-You know what? You don't have to snap at me.
I'm not snapping at you.
-Yes, you did, and I don't have to take that. As a matter of fact, I'm just going to quit right now.
Big Chickey, wait! How are you, I mean we, ever going to find sponsors for our Great American Roadtrip if we don't ask somebody how to do it?
-Doggone it, Big Chicken, you're right. As much as I hate to admit it, you are. Let's just put that one out to our readers then, shall we?
Yes, let's.
-Reader(s), how can we, one lone, redundant chicken, find sponsors? Without having to ask one? Because that's scary and they might say no and then laugh at my ideas.
zbigchicken at gmail dot com that's with the z before the b
PS-The Big C has just been notified by a popular search engine that 'The Great American Roadtrip' is a title that has already been used. To that end, your very big chicken and all his crony friends would like to offer to you this contest of sorts. That is, you, Dear Reader, dear, dear reader, you come up with a fancy schmancy name for my journey across this Our Great Land and I will give to you, free of charge and because you won, space enough on my blog for your name. But hurry! This offer won't last long. And after all, who wouldn't want their name out there for all sorts of, you know, other people to see? No, really, I think it's a great prize. Listen, you don't really have to worry about your privacy on this blog yet, seeing as how it's got a whopping five readers (thank you guys) and pulled in eight cents gross revenue from advertising last week.
This is Chicken. I'm on a roll.*
*But I'm saving the side of asterisk for after lunch, because really, I am full and couldn't possibly have another bite.
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