Allergies

Been hanging with some kids. I think I may have mentioned to you all before that I am allergic to them, and that they make me break out and run every time I see one. Well, I would have run this time, too, but I had no choice. So, it's been weird. Mainly because they do things like move my shoes when I'm not looking, or pour rice off their plates onto the floor in restaurants, or scream as they are running from one room to another - and that, apparently for no reason other than to just scream.  I am so freaking jealous of that right now I can hardly stand it.

Listen, I'm a little bummed, too, because my friend request shout-out to Dave from the other day was flagged and removed from Craigslist. It's like, I always thought Craigslist had my back, you know? (sigh) As much as I hate to say it, I think that maybe all those fowl rumors I heard a little while back about Craigslist were true after all. No matter if I did put an attempted attention-seeking post for a friendship with a guy who writes funny stuff in the Items Wanted section. Well, I didn't very well want to put that in the personals! I mean, not with all of the recent publicity about the...you know.

So these parent people are just weird. Their kids run around screaming and pouring rice and all of that, and then the parents are just sort of like, "Oh, yes, that's what they do." Then my Mom busts in with a big old, "I remember when you used to do that." And, no, I am not going to tell you what "that" was, because it was too humiliating and she'll probably tell you her own self when she's a guest on my blog anyway.  Which reminds me: she said, too, that I can't be giving away those bird drawings I made.  Look, I'm not gonna argue with my Mom about this because do you have any idea what she went through to raise me?  If you have read anything else on here, I think that maybe you do.  Which still does not negate the fact that the story that she told about me was too humiliating to repeat here for all of you today.

Now, about the chicken suit. And the blog. One of my assistants started recording live radio spots for this here coop in cyber-space, so I will tell you now that we will get that on here soon. Maybe around about the same time as we get that other stuff I've been promising up here. Look, if you're new to this game, this is what I do: I lie to you, tell you stories, promise you things that I don't always deliver on, you pay me, and we all like it. It's simple, fun, and (dare-I-say-it) brilliant. Oh, and I do this modestly. I am a modest chicken.  Can't forget that.

Finally, I am writing this here to you in the wee hours of the morning because I didn't want to risk pulling out my laptop at all today while the kids were up and around (do you have any idea how fast they can grab things and run with them?  Or how often their hands are sticky with some type of food-related goo?  And then they grab stuff like electronics that they have no idea how much people pay for that stuff and then you're supposed to just laugh and go "Oh, well, that's just part of having kids," or some crap like that and then you're up at all hours of the morning trying to get all the work done that you couldn't do when the kids were around and then you just wonder why on earth people do this to themselves over and over and over again and then you hold a bottle for one who's going to sleep and you're like "Awwwwww," but then you don't let anyone see that s%@& 'cause you're a guy, a tough one, but they are really cute.  For like five minutes, but then the rest of the day is hell on earth) so I just want to say, to all my peeps out there with chilluns, that you are crazy.  Crazier than I, even.  I mean, did you know what you were getting yourselves into before you did this?  Next test question: And, if so, then why?

Your flummoxed,
Chicken