Dear Big Chicken Blog Readers,
I felt it was time for you to know the truth about Big Chicken, for I believe in honesty and integrity. So I snuck into his filthy bedroom, looked around for his computer passwords, and now I can post directly on his blog. Okay, first off, I found the password under a pile of underwear and like seventy empty Hot Pockets boxes. Secondly, he had passwords for all sorts of weird things... zbigchicken.blogspot, Ferret lovers anonymous internet help group, ztinyfrenchmonkey.blogspot, hotbirds.net... the list went on - it's disgusting!
I'm not sure why I continue to date this guy. He swears he's not cheating on me - even though yesterday he texted that from Debbie's phone. When I asked him why he texted that from another girl's phone, he said it was because that Debbie was sleeping next to him and her phone was quite handy. He's not even good at lying!
But a girl has to fulfill her needs, and that's what he does for me. He preens me, regurgitates romantic dinners directly down into my esophagus, and he promises to take me on his big rollerskating adventure which he swears will happen, and I'll be his only girl. I know he can change, I just know it. But to be sure, I broke both his legs, and he's been tied up in my basement since last Friday night.
-Kookaburra
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