Wanted! Dave to Be My Friend

Central Louisiana Craigslist Ad

Under Items Wanted

Title: Wanted! Dave to Be My Friend

Location: Alexandria Coffee Shop

You know that guy Dave who posts stuff on the bulletin board at the coffee shop in Alexandria? I want him to be my friend. If any of you peeps out there know Dave, or his grandmother over in Boyce, tell him I said “Hi,” and “It's okay for me to be friends with you if you're cool being friends with me.”

My only beef so far with the guy is that I think he's funnier than me. I know that the grammer here is incorrect, but I left it there so that some of you (and you know who you are) can feel a bit superior to me. Then there is also the matter of the mis-spelling (above) that I not only do not have an excuse for, but which is just blatant, is what that is. And especially considering the fact that it (the mis-spelled word) is clearly underlined in this, my very own downloaded version of open source software utilized, by me and countless others, to perform word-processing-related tasks.** On my laptop computer (aka my “notebook”) Could we get back to Dave again? Sure. Thought you'd never ask. Okay, thanks.

So, and even though you didn't ask, but to fill you in, I am visiting this lovely city as part of my first annual Southern Migration, which is really a big deal to me since I am a big chicken, and I don't say that last part lightly. Anyhoo, I am heading out on Tuesday morn, so, Dave, if you want to be my friend, you need to act fast, because then we could at least meet for some coffee there before I hit the interstate and drive the next thousand miles over to my wintering grounds in lovely Southeastern Arizona. Just so you know, I am not the only chicken there, although I think that, technically, I am the only person I know who wishes to dress up like a big chicken and roller skate around the country and make a funny movie about it that will keep people laughing for years to come. Or at least for a couple of hours while they're watching it, and then again for the first two or three times that their kids watch it, although really, after that, it's pretty hard for any comedy to stay funny unless you're really talented, which I probably am not. However, I do have many very funny co-workers and subcontractors on this here endeavor, which can only be good for you. And for me, too.**-+

Which brings me back to Dave, because he is clearly a very funny guy. So again, if you are Dave, or you know him (and this isn't just any old Dave, but specifically the one who posts the funny stuff on the bulletin board at that one coffee shop, like I said before so quit interrupting me), please send him on over to my blog zbigchicken.blogspot.com and have him email me, 'cause I sure could use his help here. Especially if he's willing to work for me for free to start. Just tell him to keep track of his hours on this, because he'll need to bill me at some point.

Thanks. And to that end, I remain,

Your Big Chicken

**And for those of you who need some free software that includes a word processing program and spreadsheet program and presentation program and so forth, go check it out here (but be sure you always read up on stuff before you go downloading any files, because you know how some sites are, trying to get you to download things that slow your computer down and all and, which reminds me, if any of you have had that problem, let me know, because I know a guy who does computer work and, if you're cute, he may give you a really good price. If you're not, he's probably going to charge you $45 per hour. Listen, he may charge you that much even if you're not cute, so if he does ask you to pay, don't take it personally, he may just need the cash. Which is why he's working. Back to the software*-, though, this stuff is good as long as you just use it primarily at home because, if you know anything at all about file types, you'd need to save your work in a format that'll be compatible with other software, like Microsoft's Office (which is what a whole lot of computer users use) if you're gonna email the stuff you're doing to your friends or business associates and listen, if you need some more help with that, let me know, because I know just enough about this sort of thing to either 1.) get us both in trouble or 2.) help you out a little bit. Just be forewarned that I, unlike my one friend that I already have (which apparently is not that Dave guy, at least, not at this point) am going to charge you full price, whether you're cute or not, because I need the dough.

*-That software I told you about is called Open Office and you can find it at open office dot org, but I changed my mind and am not going to put a link here because I refuse to keep doing your work for you.

PS-Please tell Dave I said to call me. I mean, write. Or, type, if you want to get technical about it. Not technical, really, just specific.

PPS-Dave, if you read this, and you get to the next part, please don't be mad at me. I was just getting really upset when I thought maybe you wouldn't help me out for free with this movie thing. Plus, I really want you to be my friend.

**-+ A special note to the guy that I want to be my friend. Please help me keep this funny, Dave. I'm talking the kind of funny that lasts through multiple viewings by the kids. The kind of funny that people quote from for years after. The kind of funny that makes your belly hurt from all the gut busting laughter. And please do it for free or at least work with me here and pay me, so I can do this for you. Because I'm doing this here thing for you. And don't you forget it. DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT, DAVE! I mean it. So, please write. Funny stuff. For my movie. For our movie. And be my friend, too. Thx. -the big c