Sunday, Sunday, Sunday....guess I'd better do some campaignin'...
Friends! Chickens!
It has been a week since I spoke to you last about the importance of believing my lies. What is of the utmost importance (to me) is that you believe my lies more than you believe my competitor's lies. I really can't stress this enough. In fact, this statement is so deep, so meaningful, so profound, that I will now rest my poor tired little hands and give you all a week or so to soak this in.
Your politically quite lazy,
Chicken
Home of the Worst Relationship Advice on the Planet.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Presidential Chicken Speech - 2012
Friends, Chickens,
I need your support. Our nation is facing difficult times (could I get an intern in here?).
Taxes are too high!
(Where's that intern?)
The gap between the rich and the poor is growing.
(Oh, hey bab-, I mean "intern." Could you grab me, I mean, us, some dinner? Thanks. No, I don't care....anything is fine. Yep..thanks. Gotta go, speakin' to the nation here. Where was I? Oh, that's right-)
Taxes are too high!
The gap between the rich and the poor is growing, at an alarming rate! But I, my fellow, hard-working Americans, have a plan and a promise to you that I have no intention to keep. That's right, folks, I am here to say to you now that I am going to solve these difficult problems by sending you tax refunds. All of it. Every penny you paid in, I will have my staff send back to you.*
*Is it okay to lie about what I'm planning to do in office? Do people generally put footnotes within the text? Where's my intern?
Remember! Vote for me!
The very big C
(and bring me some dinner...)
I need your support. Our nation is facing difficult times (could I get an intern in here?).
Taxes are too high!
(Where's that intern?)
The gap between the rich and the poor is growing.
(Oh, hey bab-, I mean "intern." Could you grab me, I mean, us, some dinner? Thanks. No, I don't care....anything is fine. Yep..thanks. Gotta go, speakin' to the nation here. Where was I? Oh, that's right-)
Taxes are too high!
The gap between the rich and the poor is growing, at an alarming rate! But I, my fellow, hard-working Americans, have a plan and a promise to you that I have no intention to keep. That's right, folks, I am here to say to you now that I am going to solve these difficult problems by sending you tax refunds. All of it. Every penny you paid in, I will have my staff send back to you.*
*Is it okay to lie about what I'm planning to do in office? Do people generally put footnotes within the text? Where's my intern?
Remember! Vote for me!
The very big C
(and bring me some dinner...)
Sunday, September 16, 2012
A Very Important Message from our Chicken
Hello Everyone, and welcome back to my blog. It's been a while since I've corresponded, and I think that it's time that you all find out why. Friends, Enemigos, Mom, I'd like to announce here, today, my intention to run for President of the United States of America. That's right, president. Of the United States. Of America.
As you can imagine, my decision to nominate myself for this very important position has necessitated great secrecy on my part, so much so that my girlfriend doesn't even know where I'm going half the time, or when I'll be back, or who I'll be with while I'm gone. It's been very trying for her, to say the least, but she's a trusting gal, and bless her heart, she's been willing to sleep alone a few times in the interest of national security and for the good of the country. I simply can't thank her enough for all of the sacrifices she's made for me and I promise that one day, ONE DAY, I will help that girl do some of the dishes. Maybe.
Until that day arrives, my fiends, I mean friends, I will pursue this candidacy like the truly great chicken that I am. So, if you are tired of highly educated people with strong political connections making all of the decisions around here while nobody you know is votin' the way you want them to, then join me, and my flock of peeps, as we spread joy, nonsense, and possibly a little manure (for mulch) throughout this, Our Great Land.
Thank you. And remember to vote. For me. Do you think that's a good slogan? We could make it like:
"Vote! For me, the very big C."
I like it. It's catchy.
You're Presidential,
Chicken
As you can imagine, my decision to nominate myself for this very important position has necessitated great secrecy on my part, so much so that my girlfriend doesn't even know where I'm going half the time, or when I'll be back, or who I'll be with while I'm gone. It's been very trying for her, to say the least, but she's a trusting gal, and bless her heart, she's been willing to sleep alone a few times in the interest of national security and for the good of the country. I simply can't thank her enough for all of the sacrifices she's made for me and I promise that one day, ONE DAY, I will help that girl do some of the dishes. Maybe.
Until that day arrives, my fiends, I mean friends, I will pursue this candidacy like the truly great chicken that I am. So, if you are tired of highly educated people with strong political connections making all of the decisions around here while nobody you know is votin' the way you want them to, then join me, and my flock of peeps, as we spread joy, nonsense, and possibly a little manure (for mulch) throughout this, Our Great Land.
Thank you. And remember to vote. For me. Do you think that's a good slogan? We could make it like:
"Vote! For me, the very big C."
I like it. It's catchy.
You're Presidential,
Chicken
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