Ostrich Dreams Are Such Strange Things

Words, Words, Words

I dreamt of ostriches last night, and emus.  I passed by these two emus that were kind of tough-looking but then this big ostrich walked in and just totally dominated the scene so I ran into the woods and he came in after me and so I thought I know, I’ll climb a tree, so I did, but then I looked down and that mofo was climbing up after me, so oh, hey, who mis-folded my napkin here?***  Some shoddy machine, no doubt, and it’s a good thing because if it was a person, I’d have them fired so they could come work for me at Big Chicken Industries.

So anyway, back to the dream-a-roo, so I looked down and that ostrich was climbing up the tree after me and I was like, what the f____ I knew bears could climb trees, but flightless fowl?  Who knew?  Except, you know how it is in dream speak when you talk and so I think the sentence above turned out more like “Ostrich omelettes ready by three, take the 407 train to station D, Pittsburgh.” Whatever that means.  So, in the dream, I’m not sure what happened next, except I think I did something incredibly dashing, like I pulled back and did this amazing flinging slingshot move and catapulted out of there and right into the lobby of a hotel where I used to work.  But it wasn’t the hotel where I used to work as much as it was the one where my mom used to work.  Although, she never actually did in real life.  Just in the dream.  Back to the ostrich.  He was scary, and menacing, and I think that he threatened me, which is a load of BS, (can I say BS on this napkin?  No, Family programming, huh?  Okay, I’ll clean it up) A load of malarkey, because we hired that guy to stomp Eagle, and now he’s chasing me in my dream.  I don’t think so, because that was not, I repeat, not part of the contract.  Plus, he was scary, and I had no assistant there, so please, Nice Reader Person, hold me.

Dja ever notice how Starbucks makes it kinda hard to steal their napkins?***  Well, it isn’t that they make it hard to steal as much as it is that they label ‘em, makin’ it real obvious from whence they were stole.**  This message, replete with poor grammar, was brought to you today by the Big Chicken, spreading joy, fertilizer, and mis-spellings all across this Our Great Land. 

Your,
Cocky Chicken

zbigchicken at gmail dot com


***This part is really only relevant if you read the original napkin.


**A note on theft: Your Big Fancy Chicken did not actually steal any napkins from any of the places that he said he did.  He simply utilized the ones provided with the purchase of goods and services at various locations across this Our Great Land, but then called it the "Stolen Paper Napkin Series " et cetera, as an attention-seeking device.  Purty good, huh?