Big Chicken Annual Premium Payments

Big Chicken Auto Insurance Policies

Here at Big Chicken Auto Insurance (BCAI)*, we understand that life happens.  And that you have been paying costly premiums for many years now so that you could rest assured that we would cover you in the event of any actual claims.  Therefore, we want to assure you of the following, and that is this - "We will not raise your premium amount due to any claims that were not your fault.  Guaranteed."***

Sincerely,

The Big Chicken
Head of Marketing, Customer Relations, and the Claims Adjustment Departments.
Magistrate of the Unidentifiable, King of Envy, and Charlatan of All Known Domains.  He Who Wanders on Wheels, and He Who Wonders on Films.  Chick Magnet. 


***We will raise your premium policy in direct proportion to the amount of any and all of your claims.  Guaranteed.  Those little pings in the windshield you called about and said, "Hey, just checking in with you guys because I could patch this myself with a twelve dollar kit from the auto parts store," and we, or I, said, "Oh, no, don't worry about it!  You have comprehensive coverage!  Just take it to one of our partner shops, they'll repair it and bill us, all at no cost to you!" and you said, "Will my premium go up?" and I said,"Premiums are reviewed on an annual basis and barring the a cough a cough a cough a cough a cough it shouldn't go up because of this," and you said, "Okay, because if it's going to go up because of this, I'd rather just patch it myself," and I said, "Oh, no, have our guy do it," and you said, "Okay.  Thanks," and I said "Sure, that's what we're here for.  Can I help you with anything else today?" and you said, "No," and then I said, "Thank you for insuring with us," (as I always do, because I really love and appreciate and value all of the wealth that you bring into my life and then I marked your account for a special review on the upcoming annual policy premium review cycle).

You're welcome.

PS-The increase in your premium payment this year had nothing at all to do with the claim you called about.-*  No, it didn't.  That's a correlation.  It isn't causation.  No, it's not.  Haven't you ever heard that "correlation is not causation?"  Listen, you're dabbling in pseudoscience now, and if you don't back off, I'm going to need to restrain you.  Charlatan!  You're a charlatan!  And you're superstitious!  Okay, maybe you're not, but you're seeing things!  You're making connections that don't logically exist here and I think you may want to consider counseling.  Or at least a course in critical thinking.

-*It did.

*The acronym for Big Chicken Auto Insurance sounds almost like a chicken sound.  Let's see if we can expand on this, shall we?  Hows-about, Big Chicken Auto Insurance Waivers (BCAIW), no, that isn't funny enough.  Big Chicken Auto Insurance Waivers and So-forth (BCAIWS).  Big dash Chicken Auto Insurance Waivers and So-forth exclamation point (B-CAIWS!) Or, to make it easier to pronounce the acronym in a chicken-sound-related way, how about just taking out the word "insurance," so the acronym is B-CAWS.  That's brilliant!  I know.*-*

*-*Yes, I spend my days thinking of this stuff.  Sometimes my nights, too.  When I'm not dating.  Stupid restraining order.  Yeah, you heard me.  Some crackpot out there hired an attorney to try to threaten me.  Me!  Can you believe it?    No?  Seriously.  You can read the comments at the end of this post here.  http://zbigchicken.blogspot.com/2010/10/external-validation-should-really-be.html

And yes, I'm sure it's a real attorney because they signed it that way in an anonymous post.