Dear Kookaburra,
You don't scare me none with all of your threats, or your demands, or your questions about girls I am with that I will refuse to answer (like you posted in this comment here http://zbigchicken.blogspot.com/2012/06/open-letter-to-kookaburras.html#comment-form). I've dealt with bigger fish that you, girl, and I'm prepared to stand up for my rights as a man and set an example for all the downtrodden suckers who've been taken for rides by gold-diggin' avian tarts like you since before my dear sweet mom ever laid the egg that would hatch into me because I am a winner! I'm not a loser, K, I'm a winner.*
Just remember one thing when you're crying your eyeballs out because of me, remember how bad my breath was that one time that you had to tell me to brush my teeth. NO, WAIT! Don't remember that, and please also don't tell anybody. Hmmm, let me think. What about that one time that I had the booger hanging and you had to tell me to get a tissue before we went to that one party, would that be a good thing to remember? No, maybe not. Oh, I know! Remember this, Kookaburra, and remember this good....
I put the "k" in chicken.
zverybigchicken
* I just don't understand why I feel the need to try to convince you of that, it's almost like I care what you think about me.
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