Hi you guys. Hey, you remember when I was doling out the Worst Relationship Advice on the Planet? Well, apparently, with the holidays and all coming on, my relatives are seeking me out again, and one of them left a comment on my blog at the end of this lil' post here http://zbigchicken.blogspot.com/2011/11/znew-and-improved-or-just-new-really.html . The full text of this obnoxious (note the proper use of italics) relative's advice follows:
Dear Z (if you will allow me the familiarity),
First off, I have to say you're brilliant! Second, I have a question that requires the aforementioned brilliance to answer. I'm sure you are intimately familiar with the Canada Goose*
Hahahaha, now that I've sent that "brilliant" Big Chicken off on an endless wild goose chase (footnotes are his petards) I'm taking over this blog. I have to. Right up there at the top it sez "Home of the Worst Relationship Advice on the Planet" and since I am the one and only true dispenser of the Worst Relationship Advice on the Planet I have no choice.
As a special introductory offer I will give a one-time-only free sample (what, do you really believe you can get the the absolutely worst relationship advice on the planet for free?) This one goes out to all you ladies out there who are wondering whether or not to accept that marriage proposal you recently received. Do it, marry him***.
Until we meet again,
Your Aunty (Z'antibigchicken)
* aka Branta canadensis**
** aka the Canada Goose*
*** Do not be concerned about all of those flaws of his that are making you hesitate for, just as you suspect, you will be able change him into the ideal husband once you are married.
Heya Z'BigChicky,
ReplyDeleteThanks for relenting to obligation and letting your Aunty have a room in your coop this holiday season. Now would you be a dwarling and stop reading this and let me have a few words in private with your visitors?
Z'BigC had a female visitor over yesterday. She seemed like a real nice egg, good round head on her round shoulders, curves in all the right places and lEggs that wouldn't quit. I went to my room to give them some privacy but I couldn't help but overhear Z using all sorts of corny lines trying to get her into the hay. I must have dosed off because I was startled awake by a loud squawk. I got up a went to investigate. The door to Z's bedroom was ajar so naturally I had to look in and see if everything was OK. Z'BigC looked fine, laying back with his head propped on his wings. Very contented looking I would say. But laying next to him the egg appeared very frustrated. After a few moments of awkward silence she finally turned to Z'Chicken and said, "Well, I guess we finally answered that question!"
Just a few words to all you wise eggs out there,
Z'AntiBigChicken