Worst Relationship Advice on the Planet - April 29, 2011

Hello Viewers and welcome back to the fowlest relationship advice on the planet!  Today, our letter of the week comes from a gal who just can't make her friendship fly.  Let's see if my advice can help her.

Dear Big Hunky Chicken,

First of all, I just want to say that I've been following your adventures for quite some time now, and I just want to tell you that, no matter what your stupid girlfriend says, I think that you're a real ladies' man.  Now, about my problem: the other day, a friend of mine told me how she felt about something I did, and I told her that she was stupid.  Well, she was!  Nevertheless, she got mad at me about that, and now she hasn't spoken to me for three days.  Which isn't all bad, considering it's given me time to work it a little more with the guy she's been seeing.  Incidentally, the reason she criticized my behavior in the first place was because she found out I was sleeping with him.  I don't want the friendship to end, but he's a really good lay.  What should I do?  I mean, I think she's being really selfish here!

Signed, 
Confused in the Arctic Desert

Listen up, CAD,

First of all, you need to get your biomes in order.  Then, what I would recommend is that you avoid your so-called friend at all costs.  Share and share-alike, is what I always say, and I totally agree with you that she's being selfish.  In addition, I would go so far as to say that she is inconsiderate at best, since she has the gall to criticize your needs.  Finally, I just need to say that, biomes aside, I don't understand why you're asking me for advice here, as it seems you've already pretty much got a good handle on things.  As a matter of fact, let me know if you need a job.  I think you just might fit in here, especially if you wear a bikini.

Z' corporate,
Chicken


Today's advice column is brought to you by the good folks over at the bikini warehouse, where all the cool chicks go to look hot.

Z'chicken would also like to give a special "thank you" to the Tucson Weekly staff for including a link to my fowl advice column from their blog, The Range here!