Bad, bad, baaaaad advice

Hello Peepers,

I realize that last week, in the course of delivering my standardly fowl advice, I also delved into the arena of financial advice.  That may not mean much to you, but it's really quite exciting for me because there is nothing that I love more than giving unsolicited advice on subjects about which I have eggstensively fowl eggsperience.  (Whew!  Three bastardized words in a row....that's gotta be some kind of record in the annals of chicken-related humor.  I win.)

Okay, so this week I am delighted to say that our questioning reader is a very, very close friend who I met last week** and who sounds very cute.

Dear zbigchicken,


I am a very cute college student with a big problem.  My professor is flunking me!  I can't believe it.  I mean, I'm taking this course because it's a requirement, and I show up to class every day that I want to, which is about every third or fifth class, unless I need to do something else, and then I do my homework if it's convenient, but it's not always so I generally don't and then we had some mid-terms part of the way through the semester and I didn't expect that but then when I went up and told him that I didn't know we were going to be tested, do you know what he said?  "It's in the syllabus."  Oh, right, as if anyone reads that.  Who reads that?!  Dorks, that's who.

So, then I checked my grades because the financial aid office was like "make sure you keep your GPA above a certain amount, or you will lose financial aid," and I was like, "Whoahhhhh!  They can't do that!  What a bunch of jerks.  They're mean.  I hate them.  Wait, maybe they're lying," (because I lie sometimes, too, like when I told you up there that I go to class every third or fifth time, when it's really more like the sixth) and I asked my Mom about it and she said that it's true, so then I got online right away and searched for someone to do my homework for me, which is when I found the Homework for Sale that you had listed here http://zbigchicken.blogspot.com/2010/12/homework-for-sale.html , which doesn't seem appropriate for a class on ethics, but that homework looks like pretty good stuff anyway, and plus I'll fail if I don't do SOMETHING.


So, my question is, should I buy that homework from you?

Thanks in advance for any "help" with my education.
Sincerely,
Feeling Like Universities are Never Kind to You

Dear FLUNKY,

Thanks for writing.  I agree with you that your professor is being unreasonable, and YES, of course you should buy the homework I have for sale.  It is a solid investment, fully refundable if you are not COMPLETELY satisfied*, and morally and ethically sound - just don't tell them that you bought it here.  By the way, the homework I have for sale is meant to be strictly decorative, and is by no means considered to be a substitute for your own work.  (Doggone imaginary lawyer, reading this over my shoulder again....)

Hey, uh, FLUNKY, do you wanna go out on a date with me?  I know you wrote me because you had this problem and you needed advice from someone you could trust and respect, but I just can't pass up the opportunity to cheat on my wife (that's right readers, Kookaburra and I tied the knot, and we didn't tell anybody because I didn't want to lose out on the opportunity to sleep arou-) oh, hey, look at the time!

The Philanderin' Chicken.

PS-Let me know if you want me to tweet some images of my stunning physique.

No, my wife won't mind.  Promise!  Why would she?

 
**Anyone know the correct uses of who and whom?  Write me - please!  I'm too lazy to Google it.  

*No refunds or exchanges.  Sorry!  Company policy.