Resume - Transcript

The Big Chicken
Second Roost from the End
Farmer Bob's Place


Big, svelte, roller-skating chicken.  Chick magnet.

History, loooong history in food service.  More recent history in environmental consulting, often confused with the "canary in the coalmine," but much, much larger.  Especially adept at wiping out on pavement.  Funny.  Willing to dress like a large chicken and travel, what more do you want? !  Smoker, but planning to quit (That's really more of a habit than a skill, think I should put that in a resume?  Would 'blowing smoke-rings' constitute a skill?  Ah, I know I should quit, I really do, it's just that, they're like my best friend, you know?  How am I ever going to stop...)
Skills and Qualifications
Strong verbal and written communication skills.  Not bad for a chicken, eh?
Domestic Experience:
Long held post as "Cock of the Walk" at Farmer Bob's. 1989 through the Present
Education:
Initial imprinting from the big red hen (I sure do miss her.  Life seemed to much simpler then, you know?  Follow my mom, stay away from the chopping block, and watch out for hawks, the occasional fox, or wayward dog.  Now it's all about the bling and guarding my resources.  It makes me so tired!  I just want to return to that simpler time.  Maybe research my roots, learn about my family history.  Spend more time checking out the chicks and less time fighting with the blood-sucking ticks, you know what I'm saying?  Who's with me?!)
Further trained by the big, white, stuttering rooster on Saturday-morning cartoons
Associate's Degree in Liberal Arts, 2012