(Shoulda been the title for yesterday's post, but, moving on....)
Hello Everyone and Welcome Back to Big Chicken Programming - The Only Radio Show We've Ever Promised to You Yet Without Delivering.
Today's show starts out with a big "Welcome!" to all of the new peeps visiting this blog today from Australia, Brazil, Hong Kong, Portugal and Turkey! Glad you're all here with me near the finish line of the First Annual Southeastern-most-ish but Mostly Southern Migration of Yours Truly. This Big Chicken, while enjoying the cyber-travels that can easily carry him from port to port information-wise, also greatly looks forward to the day when he can begin his worldwide migration, although technically he (that would be me, but I love the smack of royalty that third person referrals give, and I think I mentioned that before, but nobody has yet prostrated before me, so I figured you all just forgot. It's okay if you did, I won't hold that against you. This time. Just please try to be a little more thoughtful where I'm concerned in the future, because you know how sensitive I am. That's right, Ladies, I am sensitive.** I am one sensitive dude, who really cares about your thoughts and feelings and cup-size. Mainly your cup-size, and not your thoughts and feelings. But I care, and I care greatly. Heyyyyy, speaking of which - what is your cup-size? Mine is a 12-ounce. I was talking about coffee cups! What were you thinking about?) did travel through Canadian waters during his recent trip, or south-bound excursion, rather.
That's right, everyone, Canadian waters. Waters known to be cold and filled with interesting creatures such as dolphins and whales. Many, many types of whales. Whales which scare your big fancy chicken because they are so very big. And plus, they are able to survive in cold water. How do they do that? Perhaps it has something to do with lipids, a thought that crosses this chicken's mind due to an interesting introductory course in biology that he is now taking, which is why he has recently begun using words like covalent and speaking of polarity and so forth. It's really very interesting to think that some people out there actually understand this stuff, rather than just memorizing some words related to processes. What does this last bit have to do with the whales in Canadian waters? We don't know, but we continue to bring this to you, ladies and gentlemen, because we do care.**
This is your big educated chicken, saying, "Get a job!" Just kidding! I wouldn't wish that on anyone. So, this is your big ensconced chicken, saying, "Come on by and sit a spell. You tell me about your ma and pa, and I'll tell you a yarn about a whale." Speaking of yarn, there's a lady I saw who was making some with a spinning wheel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9nCwjMbbDk The kind of yarn I was talking about, though, in regards to the whale (remember?) was a story. Not a line of twisted fibers used to build fabrics and so forth, much like the amino acid sequences that form proteins and, ahhhhhhh! Oh, no! The biology class is seeping in! Permeating my consciousness with all its devilry. Back, ye fowl demons of science! Back with ye to the primordial ooze from whence ye sprang.
Your,
Spastic Chicken
**This is a straight-up lie I use to get the chicks.
PS-Just so you know - Pageviews by Operating Systems today were down to one. That one - was Windows. So, let's give a hand, Everyone, to the Only Operating System to Access This Blog Yet Today! And if you are a Linux user or a big Mac daddy who wants to get in on today's game, then bring it on, my fair feathered friend. 'Cause I'll race ya.
PPS-Hey, anybody who wants a piece of me can tell me so one of two ways, or both.
1. Post a comment on my blog. Choose anonymous if you wish, and if you don't want it published, just say so.
2. Send me an email at zbigchicken at gmail dot com . Love, Your Big Chicken
PPS-Could someone do my homework for me, please?*- I'm trying to make a show here. Thanks.
*-Just kidding. I know I'm supposed to do that myself, and I would never ever ever seriously consider having someone else do my work for me. Ever.
PPPS-Could someone clarify what I might mean by the word "ever," please? Thanks.
Home of the Worst Relationship Advice on the Planet.
Dear ZBig Chicken,
ReplyDeleteMy name is also Big Chicken. However, I clearly had my name before you had yours as I see you've bastardized your own name by being forced to put a z in front of it.
In any case, I am the original Big Chicken, and I would ask that you discontinue use if my name. Yes, I wear a large chicken costume, but I have no desire to roller skate or make movies. I am an accountant. My associates keep confusing me with you. The ladies keep asking me out ever since you began your blog. I have to explain that I am not you - I am a boring accountant that dresses as a chicken and calls himself Big Chicken and has a fetish for kneecaps. I probably shouldn't have shared that last part.
Dear Mr. (or Ms., as the case may be) Big Chicken:
ReplyDeleteThank you for your interest in my blog. I appreciate your taking the time out of your obviously busy schedule to write to me today. Or yesterday, rather. Anyhoo, I'm still trying to think of a response, because I have absolutely no idea what to say, except, could you help me with my math homework?
Also, if the ladies keep asking you out, could you please at least inform them of this error that you so kindly pointed out to me, and then also give them my url (zbigchicken.blogspot.com) and email (zbigchicken at gmail dot com)? thx
BTW, when I did egg-stensive research on this name, the only other Big Chicken I found was that one restaurant statue in the southeastern U.S. I'm sure that you are aware of that place, as you seem to also be a Big Chicken.
Perhaps we should unite? Or, if you're dyslexic, we could always untie, but nevertheless, we could probably do some serious conquering together. So, join me in my quest, other Big Chicken. Perhaps, together, we can find more like us. Then, we could create a merry band of chickens who could work together to spread joy and fertilizer all o'er this, Our Great Land.
Your,
Big Chicken
PS-I have been told that I have cute knees. Just FYI
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