So I saw this one chick a little while ago, when me and the little kookaburra bird were having some grubs over at the base of the banyan tree, and I was gonna go hit her up for her number and all, but do you know what my little "k" bird did? She talked to me the whole time! Like, who is actually going to listen to all of that?
I swear, sometimes I just want to jump into my private ornithopter and get out of there, but do you know what she does whenever I do? She gripes about commitment. Says I don't care about her, or how she feels. I don't know how many times she's said that to me, because usually I'm not listening anyway, but I'm getting pretty tired of it.
That other chick, though, she looked good. Didn't say much either, which could really mean some huge points in her favor. If she stays that way. So, uh, since me and Craigslist still ain't talking, I'm going to use this, my home in cyber-space, to send a shout-out to the chick who was eatin' grubs under the banyan tree yesterday afternoon around three. If you see this ad, shoot me an email and let me know if you want to go out with me. Just so you know, I was the big human dressed up like a chicken, wearing roller-skates, and I was there with the little kookaburra bird. Who was my sister. No, wait, she was my sister's friend.
zbigchicken at gmail dot com
Who's Your Chicken?
I am.
Home of the Worst Relationship Advice on the Planet.
You can't just come rollerskating into my life like a hobo on rollerskates (I was going to say crack, but rollerskates is more appropriate), tell me that I'm the only bird in your life, then start posting for other birds.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who is an emu, and I don't know if you've ever seen an emu, but emus are frickin' scary. This emu owes me a favor, so expect a visit really soon Big Chicken. Oh, and my emu friend is a girl, so please don't try to pick up on her.
I guess it's time to post that one dream that I had a little while back, when I was in Las Vegas, the "City of Dreams." Wait, that's not right. Anyhow, listen, little kookaburra, I know what emus are and I know what they're like and I'm telling you now that if anything happens with her, it's because she picked up on me. I'm not trying to be stereotypical or anything, but that's just how they are. So, you may want to think twice before you bring her, is all I'm saying, because they are crafty. And I simply cannot be held responsible for my actions. You know that. Or did you forget about the sacrifices I need to make for publicity? Don't you ever listen to what I'm saying?!
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