Who Is That Chicken?

Many people have been asking the chicken, "Big Chicken, who are you, really?" To which I say, "None of your beeswax."

The next question they ask (in my head) is "Why do you want to wear a chicken suit when you skate across the land?" Which is when I reply, "Because I am so incredibly good-looking." Seriously, though, you think if I looked like Brad Pitt** that I would be doing this? I don't think so. I swear, sometimes you pretend viewers in my head are so stupid. Well, maybe it's not so much that YOU'RE stupid, but you just ask the stupidest questions.

On second thought, asking why I want to skate all across this Our Great Land in a chicken suit is a valid question. I will give you that much. And, by the way, touche'. (Could someone put a proper accent mark over the end of touche', please? Thanks. I'll pay you back tomorrow***)

Love,
Your "Shrouded in Mystery" Chicken


***I won't. And BTW, we should never speak of this again.

**Is it okay for me to say "Brad Pitt" on here, or is that protected by copyright? Oh, plus, I don't think he is good-looking, because I am a very tough, very strong, very hetero chicken. It's just that some chicks I know think he's sort of "easy on the eyes." Wish I were "easy on the eyes." But listen, if you call me up now, I'll happily settle for just "over-easy." You like that? Haha. I do, too. It's a little racy. Not too much, though, because I am trying to keep this PG.