Solicitation Number: 41780000895 RFP for Chicken

The Department of "___________"*+ is issuing this Request for Proposals (RFP) in lieu of the traditional Requests for Quotes (RFQ) that were so popular back in the sixties. Winning bids will not be based solely on price, except as where noted elsewhere in this solicitation, or specifically as noted in part 2.7(a)1(B)z3.

Part 2

Subpart 2.7(a)1(B)z3 This space intentionally left blank. For clarification, refer to part 7.24(a)93 [although there-again only if the referenced part is divisible by three]

Part 7

Part 7.24(a)93 You were told in part 2.7(a)1(B)z3 to refer to this part ONLY if the referenced part was divisible by three, which it isn't, as clearly any nincompoop could figure out by adding the numbers together (as in 7 plus 2 plus 4 plus 9 plus 3 equals 25, which, as we all know, is not divisible by three.*** listen, I don't know why that works,[and you can't do it with just any old number] but apparently it does with three, at which point I would like to pause here and thank my junior high school math teacher, Mr. "_________" of "_________" for teaching me that little trick, in addition to several others that have proven, through the years, to really wow the chicks at parties**. And thank goodness, since I did end up dropping out and not pursuing that engineering degree after all, which would maybe have provided an alternate means of getting the chicks: namely, money. Also, I would like to say that it might be redundant to use both a colon (:) and the word "namely," but I am just going to go ahead and do that anyway because I always hated that one English teacher, and wouldn't that just show her? So, take that, Mrs. "__________" of "____________"

***Okay, who's the smart alec who said you can do it with algebra? Oh, reminds me of a joke that I think that I made up, because I thought of it and used it a few times and nobody had ever heard it before, which is this "Math Lovers Do It With Pi." So, if you make that into a bumper sticker that sells all across the nation or even around the world, remember your dear, dear chickey, and send some of the proceeds to me. Plus, don't make me ask again.

**I was lying. It never has impressed the chicks, and plus I never go to parties. Potlucks mainly, and game nights, but never parties. Except, technically, if you want to consider birthday parties with cake and ice cream to be parties, then yeah, sure, I go to parties. As a matter of fact, last month alone, I really partied hearty. Oh, hoy, there, with your "Snap," Big Chicken. Ooooooh, my. Anyhoo, back to other nifty tricks taught to me by my poor, broken-hearted (and rightly so) math teacher. Here's one: when you are working to solve an equation, and you're wandering around all lost and confused, just remember to Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally. And right now, I am not going to tell you why, or what that means, because I'm very tired of doing your work for you. Unless you ask me to, which you haven't yet, but since I really want for you to like me, I'll tell you that it has something to do with PEMDAS, which is the order of operations, as in "Parenthesis, Exponents, Multiplication, Division, Addition, and Subtraction." But, I absolutely refuse to do your homework for you because you need to do this stuff yourself. Otherwise, how are you ever going to learn it? So, here, give me a holler by looking around on this blog for my contact page and finding out how to get in touch with me, as well as why I am even here doing this crazy homework thing for you in the first place.

*+I'm currently drawing a blank for a funny official-sounding department name, so let's make it the Contest of the Day! Ding ding ding ding ding

This just in - if you send to me, the Big Chicken, a funny-sounding name for a fake official department, I will peck out for you, Fluffy Reader, space on my blog for your name. Should you accept this indignity, please remember that, as usual, you did this to yourself.

Your,
x divided by three, squared, Chicken

PS-I don't understand how I could have signed this letter after all of the asterisk-ed footnotes, but I did somehow manage to do that, so, if anyone is out there - please, send help.