Things have been pretty lonely since I locked myself out of the coop and ignored every birdy. Hmm, I wonder what I can do to get back in my girlfriend's pants,I mean, good graces. Seriously, I don't know why these lapses in communication bother people, but apparently they do. Heck, you'd figure some chicks would have been happy not to have heard from me for a while, but I guess that's just not true for my ex-mother-in-law's sister, who just got released from jail and has done nothing but criticize me for not writing or calling her the whole time she was locked up. Shoot, if she keeps up like this, I think I just may cut out those conjugal visits we've been having lately.
Or, maybe not. Any port in a storm, they say. I just wish she didn't have so many cats.
Z'congested (ahhh-CHOO!), allergic,
Chicken
Home of the Worst Relationship Advice on the Planet.
Dear zBig,
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while. I must say, I've really enjoyed the time I've spent away from you. After I decided to leave you, my life suddenly got better. I began dating a chicken that runs a blog called aBigChicken - he says he was first. He can bench press probably around 2.5 of you, was one of the early founders of Google, and has a comb on the top of his head that just won't quit. It's not all floppy and dilapidated like yours.
Anyhoo, (I know you hate it when I say "Anyhoo," I though it might be fun if you two were to fight over me. You know, like in a parking lot behind the Pizza-a-GoGo restaurant. I'm going to set it up, so you'd better fight for my honor, you jerk!
Love,
Kookaburra