Fowl Advice

Hello Everyone.

Today's letter comes from a dude who's scared to be rude.

Dear ZBC,


My girlfriend's friend has been hitting on me. I used to just ignore it, but ever since she got the breast implants, I have found her to be absolutely irresistible. I don't want any trouble with my girlfriend, but I am becoming more irritated by her constant hounding of me. It's like she's watching my every move whenever her friend is around, and boy does she have an eagle eye!


Anyway, I guess what my question is, is how do I enjoy her friends'* tatas without seeming rude to my girlfriend?


Sincerely,
Breast Out Or Breasts In, Eh?

*I meant that to be plural possessive, as her other friends have tatas, too. I just wrote about this friend because she has the NEWEST tatas, which makes them a little better than the others, at least in my book.

Dear Boobie,

First of all, I just want to say that I think your girlfriend is wrong for keeping an eagle eye on you. Next, I would like to thoroughly chastise you for looking at her friend's (or friends', for that matter) breasts and allowing her to notice. Don't you know that you're breaking the cardinal (note the bird reference) rule here? The unspoken, inviolable uh, rule that we guys share about surreptitious boobie sweeps? Boobie sweeps being specifically that you should check out every pair of breasts that come into your life without ever, ever, EVER letting your girlfriend catch you (unless she's into that, but here's where you've got to be especially careful, because some gals will trick you with the old "sure, I'm okay with you checking out other women, as long as you don't mind me scanning the horizons and so forth" which is just a lie they are frontin' with so you'll let down your guard and enjoy yourself some la-humps, and then BAM! she hits you with the, well, you know....the LOOK), else you just make life harder for men everywhere, because when one girlfriend complains about that stuff, then every one of their friends will go home and take it out on their man.

So, man up and do it without getting caught, ya nimrod.

Your,
Stereo-typin', broad-generalization makin', Chicken

If you have a relationship question that you want answered, send it on over to z'chicken at zbigchicken at gmail dot com .