Needed! Stats Tattoo and Chicken Ghost Writer

**You may have noticed the advertisement-type title for today's post. This is due to the recent "issues" with Craigslist, a list that I happen to be rather fond of, and perhaps even love, although I generally only say things like that about my notebook.*

I have decided to get a tattoo of the Google Blogger Stats Overview page, the one with the neat page-view chart, traffic source info, and world map, on my face. I haven't told Mom yet, because I had promised her that if I ever got a tattoo that it would be of a big egg with "Mom" on it, somewhere around my upper wing, but now I won't have enough dough for both that and the Google Blogger Stats Overview page. Maybe I'm spending too much time there, on the stats page. You know what I did see was some traffic from the Ukraine. That's pretty neat. So far, we've had visitors from the U.S., Canada, Trinidad and Tobago, and now the Ukraine. I only wish that I had room on my forehead for detailed schematics*** of each and every visitor's nation for the world map portion of the tattoo. As it is, I think it's all going to need to be done in miniature, which will be very time-consuming and which leads me up to my Point for Today, which is this-

Big Chicken's Point for Today*-

Hello page-viewers, and welcome to Big Chicken's Point for Today, where our specialty, as you may have garnered by now, is redundancy. That's right, saying the same thing in multiple ways, or sometimes saying the same thing in the same way, just multiple times, which, if I've learned anything at all from all of those mandatory communication and professional development classes my employer keeps sending me to, it's that other people and flightless fowls are usually a little "challenged" and desperately need my sage advice. Now, I know what you're thinking: sage is a vital herb in a good chicken stuffing. I would agree with you, but that would just be barbaric and, as I said before, I am more fond of the gravy, which is weird, so we won't go there today because it generally brings up feelings of confusion and angst and I can't afford therapy right now, so I'd probably end up talking it out with the ducks over at the pond again and I don't know if you've ever tried talking to a flock of birds in a public place while you're wearing a chicken suit, although if I had to guess, I would say that you probably have, I mean, who hasn't, but still, it doesn't always go over too well with the general public. Which is an awful way to start any day, but especially Wednesdays (a.k.a. "humpday," my favorite day of the week, and that only because of the nickname).

Now, regarding my point. I, your Big Chicken, will not be available for several days next week as I am beginning the first portion of my fabled southern migration, and I know that you're going to miss my daily musings, which is why I need your help. What I need for you to do is to send me a cute assistant-slash-chicken-ghost-writer who can not only travel with me but also do my work for me. Please only send a cute one, although I don't wish to come off as shallow, because really, at this point, anyone will do. Not that I'm desperate. Or lonely. (Please do not refer to the Date-O-Rama post, as it was comprised of lies, all lies, made up by some fly-by-night chicken ghost writer who just swooped in, laid a big one on me, and flew the coop the next day. Can you believe how many fowl references and expressions can be made with the English language?)

Which reminds me, do you realize, because I just have, that learning another language is going to take quite a lot of work? I know, I was as surprised as you look (oh, don't think I haven't noticed that dazed, vacuous stare you keep throwing my way), but it's true. Never fear though, feathery reader, because I have the utmost confidence that we can learn to speak Chinese together if you will just do my work for me.

Thank you. As ever, I remain,
Your Big Chicken
(who is evidently trying too hard this morning)

*That's right, folks, I started the posting process out with an asterisk-ed remark today. How do ya like them apples? Whatever that means. (FYI, I like mine buggy and with worms.)

***We're going to start a new contest, the Big Chicken Mis-used Word of the Day. So, whenever you see some cute little word wandering around on my blog, clearly lost and/or totally out of context, call me, and then you'll win. Just don't approach the word unless you have prior training or direct relevant experience, because they can get a little disoriented when they're used out of context and may even bite. So, watch out. Better yet, just call a professional.*-*

*-My point for today, which I was trying to get to and would have but you kept interrupting me, was that I am going to be out of touch for a few days next week. Don't worry, though, because do you remember how I said up there that I "l%!#" Craigslist? Well, it's true and tell you what I think I'll do is just create a page on this here blog and copy over the crazy ads that I posted last month that got this whole chicken skate thing to roll. I should be able to do that particular task tomorrow, or maybe later today, although you should probably wait until next week, when I'm gone, to read them.

*-*Contest Rules: Professional Word-Wranglers are not eligible to play or win.