Boobies

Today's show is all about boobies.*  The blue-footed kind.  I think that they hail from the Galapagos Islands, which were made famous by that one icon to nerds everywhere, Mr. Charles Darwin.  Or was it Sir Charles Darwin?  Anyhow, let me see what I can find for you today about blue-footed boobies and Charles Darwin, or "Mr. Sir," as I shall hitherto (or is that henceforth?) refer to him.

Blue-footed boobies are big, awkward birds that have a hard time landing.  I know this because a drunk guy told me.  So that's hear-say.

Mr. Sir Charles Darwin promoted ideas about evolution, a concept that some folks felt was, or potentially could be, at odds with the teachings of a certain church.  Making that heresy.

I like breasts.

*I lied.  In addition to boobies, today's show included information (garnered from very reliable sources, I might add) about Mr. Sir Charles Darwin, breasts, hear-say, and heresy.***  There was also mention of a church, although not any particular one, as I felt like the time it would have taken to actually look up the information for you would likely not have been time well spent.  However, if you wish to pay me, I would be happy to discuss my hourly rate for research services with you.  You may also support my funny business by purchasing Cyber-Chicken Theater Tix (see the tab at the top o' the screen, under the very striking and dashing shadow figure better known as me.)

***Listen, the reason I bring this up is because of a "conversation" (read: argument) I had with a "friend" (I use that term loosely here, since the so-called "friend" has yet to apologize and, not that I'm keeping score or anything, but it's really that person's turn, is all I'm saying) and, during that "conversation," this "friend," who was clearly agitated and who's really been under a lot of stress for several months, and who has also experienced some loss, says to me, "You always blah, blah, blah," except it wasn't really "blah, blah, blah," that was said, or I guess it could have been, because truth was, at that point, I was no longer listening because my friend had just said the magic word.  Did you spot the magic word, ladies and wheat germs?  Let me just give you a minute here to see if you can find it.  Okay, okay, I can't wait any longer.  You give up?  Good.  It's "always."  That's right, "always."  Because that word, when speaking of behaviour (note the fancy mis-spelling.  Take that, Great Britain.), is never accurate.  That's right.  So, it's essentially like you're playing a game like chess, but in this new and improved game, your opponent can actually put themselves in check, because once that "always" is thrown in there, I'm going to ignore the rest of the psycho-babble, focus on the misuse of one word, and nitpick my way to the hallowed and glorious realms of argument stardom with a big, fat "You're Wrong," followed swiftly by, "You can't use words like 'always' when you're describing my behavior because that would be an exaggeration, so that's not fair."

So, feel free to use that little nugget in your next argument.  See how it turns out.  Because we all know that, when people are stressed out and saying unfair things when they're mad and trying to express their emotions (which is arguably one of the more difficult challenges many of us face here) in order to try to be understood; there is really nothing in that moment that could be more important than winning.

Oh, BTW, if you wanna call me up while I'm driving across the country and have an argument, and you happen to be one of the folks in Big Chicken's Inner Sanctum (I love that name), [a fact you will know because you will have my phone number], just give me a ring and we'll chat.  Or spat.  Either way, I've hours alone with nothing but the voices in my head, a notebook, and occasional music.  So call me.  And if you don't have my number, you could still write me steamy letters and send them through email.  Speaking of which, let's hear it once again for hump-day, everyone!  (Because today is Wednesday.)  So, if you're out there and you happen to be one of those peeps who is actually getting some, please send a full report to your big chicken.  I need the spice, ''cause some of us chickens out here (surprise surprise) ain't gettin' laid.

Over the coming months and years, I am going to write more about boobies.  Both the blue-footed and the other kind.  To that end, I will research both** eggstensively, and then get back to you.

**Mainly the other kind.

But, regarding the bird kind (that you can see here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue-footed_Booby), I've thought of a funny slogan.

'Big Chicken Boobies - Big or Small, We Love 'Em All'

Your,
Codependent, Booby-Lovin' Chicken